PART 1


Chapter 1


Wednesday

My stomach was in knots. I couldn't eat. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't seem to focus in class. Every day that I saw Professor Hunter I had this pathetic hope that things would somehow be the way they were before. But it never happened. He wouldn't even look at me. It was like I didn't exist. This class was becoming unbearable. He didn't have to watch me and take notes on my every word. How was I supposed to do this anymore? I'd rather just stop showing up and fail the class than sit here one more second. The room felt stifling. I was finding it hard to breathe.

"Penny?"

It took me a moment to even realize that someone was addressing me. I looked up at Tyler. He had placed his backpack on the seat in front of the one he used to always sit in. I blinked at him. Why was he talking to me? The last time we spoke he had made it clear we weren't friends. I didn't know what to say to him. I had already tried apologizing. Having everyone mad at me was exhausting. Apparently I was so used to being ignored that I had forgotten how to speak because I just stared at him.

"You okay?" he asked.

I cleared my throat. "I'm fine."

"You don't look fine."

"What?" I didn't need to be insulted right now. If I didn't feel so numb I'd probably burst into tears. But instead I just stared at him.

"Have you been eating?"

"Oh. No. I mean yes, I've been eating."

"When was the last time you ate?"

I thought about it for a minute. I wasn't eating. Everything tasted bland and I felt sick to my stomach. "I went to dinner the other night with Melissa." The other night was a few nights ago. And I barely touched my food. Tyler didn't need to know that.

Tyler grabbed his backpack, placed it on the floor beside my desk, and sat down next to me. He leaned toward me. "You know what, I actually forgot to eat breakfast this morning. Do you want to go get something to eat?"

I looked over at him. "You mean, like, now?"

Tyler shrugged. "Yeah. Let's go."

Professor Hunter walked into the classroom and put his satchel on the desk. Look at me. He was wearing a sweater identical to the one he had given me the first time we met. Had he replaced it? Had he replaced me? He looked calm and composed. He looked fine. He always looked completely fine. I missed him so much. But he didn't miss me back. I could feel myself falling apart. Please look at me. Professor Hunter, look at me! He didn't glance in my direction. I felt like I was going to throw up. "Okay," I whispered.

Tyler stood up and put his backpack over one shoulder. I quickly grabbed my bag and followed him out of the classroom. Maybe Professor Hunter would notice me now. I looked over my shoulder as I exited out the back door. He was busy writing something on the chalkboard. When had he become just another one of my teachers? The thought was chilling.

"Where are we going?" I asked as I caught up to Tyler.

"There's an IHOP on Main Street. How does that sound?"

"Really good, actually." Him talking to me meant more than he could possibly know. I felt so guilty about what had happened between us. And if he could forgive me, maybe Professor Hunter could too. We walked toward Main Street in silence. The campus was so pretty in the fall. The leaves were bright yellow, orange, and red. The crispness in the air was refreshing. I took a deep breath.

We entered the restaurant and followed the hostess to a booth. I slid in across from Tyler and looked down at the menu. I hoped I had some cash in my backpack. Regardless, I searched for something cheap just in case Tyler insisted on paying.

"I didn't know you were one for playing hooky," Tyler said. He was smiling at me.

"I've been doing a lot of that lately." And I had. I had missed so many Stat classes that I would surely fail my next test. I actually needed to hire a tutor if I didn't want to have to retake it next semester. I looked back down at my menu. I couldn't help but wonder why Tyler was being nice. He knows. Of course he knows. Melissa would have told him that Professor Hunter and I were fighting. I refused to think that we were broken up. Needing time didn't mean we had broken up. We were still together. But every time I insisted on the fact that we were still together, it felt more and more like I was lying to myself. It had been two weeks since our fight. And it had been two weeks since he had spoken to me. I wasn't sure how much longer I could lie to myself.

The waitress came over and I ordered some pancakes with scrambled eggs. The delicious aromas in the air made my stomach growl. When the waitress left I looked up at Tyler. He looked genuinely concerned for me.